annoyed

i've been really bugged by this whole epicurean lifestyle we all seem to live. i get so annoyed with myself because i want to live a life that Christ would approve of, but all i can seem to do is focus on myself and my family and things. i'm starting a study on James and i'm hoping i can figure out what i'm doing wrong. i'm trying to take up my cross daily and follow Christ, but i can't seem to "get around" to my devotions until later and by that time i've lived half my day without fully focusing on God, which makes me guilty and irritable :) not the intended goal i'm sure! anyway, everyone wants to eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we may die. i know the important things in life and i try to focus on them, but in focusing on them i end up with strange goals. right now my goal seems to be "i want to make my daughter have the perfect wardrobe and room and stuff" so not the point! my REAL focus is on family stuff! but i lose my general focus on having a healthy, happy, God centered family and focus on the things that i think will make skyler happy! (as a kid i didn't feel like there were enough pictures of me and my life) so naturally everything has to be perfect so i can take pictures of it and then show her later in life. now i still believe that is important b/c i know she'll enjoy looking through photos, but maybe not to the degree i think it should be! i really want my life to be a reflection of Christ. i want to wake up each morning with praise for Him on my lips and a song in my heart for HIM! skyler doesn't wake up until 8 or 9 most days and i could EASILY get up and read my Bible then, but i choose sleep every morning! (mostly b/c i don't sleep well at night, but i've never slept well or needed much sleep, so why can't i do it? no idea!)  my goal is to get up and begin my day praising God, i want my life to be in full servitude of Christ, i know that as a mother i'm supposed to raise my kids in a Godly home and that that is my job now, it's just so easy to focus on the fact that i could be doing other stuff, like taking care of other people, but i need to focus on my walk with God and then Skyler's and then other people, my household is more important right now. i have been majorly slacking lately, i'd rather watch tv or read then work on things with skyler, like "where's your nose?" granted, she is only just now answering one or two things, but i need to work with her daily to hone those little baby skills! i feel like such a bad mom! hopefully this new Bible study and accountability will allow me to change for her. the main goal needs to be to deny myself daily, pick up my cross and follow HIM! ok, i think i'm done venting!