chapter 20: why in the world is abraham doing that sister thing again?? pharaoh already got on to him for it before, and now he's getting rewarded . . . ? so confused! if jack ever said i was his sister so another man wouldn't kill him to get me, i would be outraged! plus, he would never do that, i don't get it! going to read commentary on it. commentary says that he was wrong to do it and that his rebuke from an earthly heathen king was punishment.
chapter 22: seriously. this guy is so afraid of being killed that he says his wife is his sister, and then he doesn't even hesitate when God says to sacrifice his son. he seems to go up and down in his spiritually walk. it's actually encouraging, it's good to know that even abraham who walked with God and is one of the most well known Christians struggled in his walk. and as far as sacrificing his only child? breaks my heart to think of that, reading this story for the first time as a mom gives it all new meaning! i know that Skyler belongs to God but man, that is so hard to come to terms with!!
just saw that i never published this one, so it's out of order! hehe
Friday, May 25, 2012
right now i'm writing out the Bible and i'm on Genesis chapter 3, i started awhile ago but got distracted when i went down to GA, so i'm doing better now! anyway, as i write chapter 3 it makes me think about how people tend to think that if there was a God then bad things shouldn't happen, but when they are informed that it's b/c of sin, then they think that people shouldn't be punished for what "two stupid people did a LONG time ago" well, when you look at what the serpent said to Eve, 4 “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman.5 “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” it makes me think about how we all are, we think we know better than God because we don't want to trust HIS will for our lives, or HIS definition of good and evil, every single one of us would have eaten the fruit because every single one of us thinks we know best in all areas of our life. talk about taking up your cross daily, i think that should be secondly . . . every second of every day is a struggle to try to push ourselves down to let Christ live through us, and it's hard! anyway, those were just my thought for chapter 3! :)
Sunday, February 26, 2012
what to do
i need a magic 8 ball. not just one of the toy ones, like a real one that will just tell me what to do when i shake it. wouldn't that be nice?? i think the only thing i know to do at this point is to lean on God, i may not have all the answers and i may not know what to do, all i can do it take things one day at a time and make sure that my relationship with God is on track and that i'm doing what's best for that. jack refuses to go to one sunday school and i refuse to go to the other, now we're at an impasse and i just don't know what to do. i know what i want to do, i would love to get away for a few weeks and just have some time to reconnect with God and with myself, i feel like he hates me and i just don't know what to do about it. life stinks right now, i am closer to God than i normally am, maybe this is just a trial to make me stronger, so i should just grow closer to God and let jack take care of himself for a bit.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
so behind
so so so behind! jack took the monitor cord for a bit, so i was already behind, and then i just kept feeling overwhelmed! i need to catch up soon! i am doing a Bible study on James, so that replaced my devotions for that week, now i just need to read again! my next goal will be to write the Bible out! :)
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
annoyed
i've been really bugged by this whole epicurean lifestyle we all seem to live. i get so annoyed with myself because i want to live a life that Christ would approve of, but all i can seem to do is focus on myself and my family and things. i'm starting a study on James and i'm hoping i can figure out what i'm doing wrong. i'm trying to take up my cross daily and follow Christ, but i can't seem to "get around" to my devotions until later and by that time i've lived half my day without fully focusing on God, which makes me guilty and irritable :) not the intended goal i'm sure! anyway, everyone wants to eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we may die. i know the important things in life and i try to focus on them, but in focusing on them i end up with strange goals. right now my goal seems to be "i want to make my daughter have the perfect wardrobe and room and stuff" so not the point! my REAL focus is on family stuff! but i lose my general focus on having a healthy, happy, God centered family and focus on the things that i think will make skyler happy! (as a kid i didn't feel like there were enough pictures of me and my life) so naturally everything has to be perfect so i can take pictures of it and then show her later in life. now i still believe that is important b/c i know she'll enjoy looking through photos, but maybe not to the degree i think it should be! i really want my life to be a reflection of Christ. i want to wake up each morning with praise for Him on my lips and a song in my heart for HIM! skyler doesn't wake up until 8 or 9 most days and i could EASILY get up and read my Bible then, but i choose sleep every morning! (mostly b/c i don't sleep well at night, but i've never slept well or needed much sleep, so why can't i do it? no idea!) my goal is to get up and begin my day praising God, i want my life to be in full servitude of Christ, i know that as a mother i'm supposed to raise my kids in a Godly home and that that is my job now, it's just so easy to focus on the fact that i could be doing other stuff, like taking care of other people, but i need to focus on my walk with God and then Skyler's and then other people, my household is more important right now. i have been majorly slacking lately, i'd rather watch tv or read then work on things with skyler, like "where's your nose?" granted, she is only just now answering one or two things, but i need to work with her daily to hone those little baby skills! i feel like such a bad mom! hopefully this new Bible study and accountability will allow me to change for her. the main goal needs to be to deny myself daily, pick up my cross and follow HIM! ok, i think i'm done venting!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
weekend
i was gone in arkansas all weekend, but i did read my devotions up until monday, so i have to do tuesday wednesday and thursday sometime today! aah! had a WONDERFUL weekend though, visiting the whitley's is always a fantastic time! played games, laughed (a lot) talked, ate (a lot!) and met some new friends :) it was such a good time, skyler was wonderful the entire time, she slept well and took naps well, and traveled well, the whole thing was wonderful!
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Genesis 17-19
Chapter 17: summary . . . OUCH!! it was interesting to read about why God wanted them circumcised, i had thought of that but never looked it up.
chapter 18: i find it interesting that when the Lord appeard to Abraham, he immediately went about preparing the BEST he could find to please him. i think this is a good example of how we tend to get busy in life and forget to give God our best, but God is God no matter where we are in our life or what we are doing. we should be rushing around "preparing our best" for him every second of every day. i also find it interesting that sarah laughed at what God said and then tried to cover it up, so something i would have done!! and then God simply responds, "yes, you did" and at first it looks like when kids bicker "you had your eyes open" no i didn't " yes you did" no yes no yes. but i have to remind myself that God is God and no matter what he isn't going to rub sin in our faces, he gently reminds us that he knows all and we can't justify or excuse away what we did because he knows it. i think he does that now with a gentle nudge from the holy spirit.
it also reminds us that nothing is impossible with God!
when God starts talking about soddom, abraham tries to reason with him out of concern for human life (and probably his family, Lot) the way God went about it gives us great example of how he works, he gave them a chance to witness to the depraved people, but they didn't make a difference, so he allowed them to flee (in another passage) he gives the righteouss a chance to amend their wrongs, but looking back into the life of sin we had can turn us into a pillar of salt (metaphorically speaking, literally for those days)
Chapter 19 a sin born of wickedness in Lot's two daughters resulted in two nations who terrorized israel. it's easy to say that our sins affect no one, they just wanted sons right? but they affected an entire race for a long time.
chapter 18: i find it interesting that when the Lord appeard to Abraham, he immediately went about preparing the BEST he could find to please him. i think this is a good example of how we tend to get busy in life and forget to give God our best, but God is God no matter where we are in our life or what we are doing. we should be rushing around "preparing our best" for him every second of every day. i also find it interesting that sarah laughed at what God said and then tried to cover it up, so something i would have done!! and then God simply responds, "yes, you did" and at first it looks like when kids bicker "you had your eyes open" no i didn't " yes you did" no yes no yes. but i have to remind myself that God is God and no matter what he isn't going to rub sin in our faces, he gently reminds us that he knows all and we can't justify or excuse away what we did because he knows it. i think he does that now with a gentle nudge from the holy spirit.
it also reminds us that nothing is impossible with God!
when God starts talking about soddom, abraham tries to reason with him out of concern for human life (and probably his family, Lot) the way God went about it gives us great example of how he works, he gave them a chance to witness to the depraved people, but they didn't make a difference, so he allowed them to flee (in another passage) he gives the righteouss a chance to amend their wrongs, but looking back into the life of sin we had can turn us into a pillar of salt (metaphorically speaking, literally for those days)
Chapter 19 a sin born of wickedness in Lot's two daughters resulted in two nations who terrorized israel. it's easy to say that our sins affect no one, they just wanted sons right? but they affected an entire race for a long time.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Genesis 13-16
chapter 14 talks about how Lot was taken captive and when Abram goes to get him he refuses riches from the king so he could say that all he had came only from the Lord. cool story.
chapter 15 mentions how God had Abram kill some animals before the Lord. i think in this day and age we see animals as food and that's about it, so for us to sacrifice an animal is nothing, but for them, cutting them in half and not letting anything happen to them would be tantamount to him laying out blank amount of dollars and not spending it. which would be very hard for us to do, so i think when we hear sacrificing animlas, we should remember that they were giving up far more than a snack. they got food, clothing, tools, and goodness knows what else from these animals. no matter how rich you are, it's always hard to literally throw away money. but that's where the sacrifice part comes in. i think it's important to remember those sacrifices as monetary offerings that were costly, not just random animals.
other than all that, skyler has been in a better mood today! she started clapping today too, so so so exciting! she almost pulled all the way up, she got on her knees and tried so hard to get further, but she just couldn't :) we had a really good day . . . mostly, she laughed a lot and we played and had a wonderful time! if only she would have slept a little more!! oh well, tomorrow we hang out with Nonni! yeah!!
chapter 15 mentions how God had Abram kill some animals before the Lord. i think in this day and age we see animals as food and that's about it, so for us to sacrifice an animal is nothing, but for them, cutting them in half and not letting anything happen to them would be tantamount to him laying out blank amount of dollars and not spending it. which would be very hard for us to do, so i think when we hear sacrificing animlas, we should remember that they were giving up far more than a snack. they got food, clothing, tools, and goodness knows what else from these animals. no matter how rich you are, it's always hard to literally throw away money. but that's where the sacrifice part comes in. i think it's important to remember those sacrifices as monetary offerings that were costly, not just random animals.
other than all that, skyler has been in a better mood today! she started clapping today too, so so so exciting! she almost pulled all the way up, she got on her knees and tried so hard to get further, but she just couldn't :) we had a really good day . . . mostly, she laughed a lot and we played and had a wonderful time! if only she would have slept a little more!! oh well, tomorrow we hang out with Nonni! yeah!!
Genesis 7-12
i read up until 12, i still need to read 13-16 for today, but since the little one is waking up, i don't have time to do it now!! i'll have to write about the chapters i read today too, but this will keep me accountable to the hubby :)
Monday, January 2, 2012
my life today
i've been struggling for the second half of the day over what will happen when my daughter turns one! now that it's 2012 and february is a short month, i have less than 3 months til her birthday, i just can't believe how fast she's growing up! i really want to start weaning her soon but i'm so worried about it all, she won't take a bottle or a sippy cup and the "experts" say to use a cup and give her water and expressed/pumped breastmilk from time to time until she gets used to it. i guess i'll have to try that, but i know my daughter and i know how she is with cups, she loves to play with cups and i've used them as a toy for awhile because it's distracting for her. . . maybe i shouldn't have done that :) anyway, i'm just nervous she won't get used to a cup because she'll want to play with it. oh well, i guess starting tomorrow i'll start getting her used to drinking from a real cup! maybe she'll learn not to tip it when there is stuff in it!! i just wanted to write out my thoughts, this has been bugging me for so long becuase she hasn't taken a bottle since she was 3 months old, and she's only taken 2 in her life! especially now that her teeth are coming in i'm anxious to start the weening process!! i hope over 3 months i can get her to wean properly. i'm most worried about her nighttime feeding, she sleeps all night except one feeding and usually once a week or so she'll sleep all night, so i'm not sure how easy cutting out that one will be!! and as boring as all of that was, i'm done!
Day 2: Genesis 4-6
Chapter 5: i know that it's important to include genealogy because it shows the descendants and how it ends up being the line of Christ, but they sure can be tedious to read! it is interesting in this chapter though, one, i like to try to pronounce the names as best as i can, and two because of the ages people had kids and lived, i can't imagine living to be 96, much less have kids at 96!! it's craziness i tell you!! i don't want to die before my time, but i think i'm ok with my short span here on earth, more time in Heaven! (i say that, but i do struggle with dying, like most people, because i don't want to leave my little girl and hubby, even though i know i'll have all the time i want with them in Heaven, i just want to see my baby grow up and be there for her!) nevertheless, i know God knows what he's doing!! it's also interesting to read about enoch who was taken by God because he was so close to him! i strive for my relationship with him to be as close as it possibly can.
Chapter 6: God regrets making us. to me, this sentence brings me a sense of total shame, when we go to church, all we hear is about God's love and his love for us, but this says that he regrets that we live. he obviously had a change of heart when he thought of noah. this is a hard verse to hear because as a human with a human nature, i couple regret with doing something wrong, and God doesn't do anything wrong. so i have to first wrap my head around the fact that regret can be a word separate from sin and wrong doing. God saw everything was good just a few chapters ago and now because of human nature, he regrets making man to begin with. i'm thankful for noah and his obvious choice to not give into the temptation. we think it's hard being a Christian these days, imagine being literally the only one in the entire world, and these people were living hundreds of years, so the population was great, that's why God lowered the living age. he clearly had the most amazing steadfastness about him!
Chapter 6: God regrets making us. to me, this sentence brings me a sense of total shame, when we go to church, all we hear is about God's love and his love for us, but this says that he regrets that we live. he obviously had a change of heart when he thought of noah. this is a hard verse to hear because as a human with a human nature, i couple regret with doing something wrong, and God doesn't do anything wrong. so i have to first wrap my head around the fact that regret can be a word separate from sin and wrong doing. God saw everything was good just a few chapters ago and now because of human nature, he regrets making man to begin with. i'm thankful for noah and his obvious choice to not give into the temptation. we think it's hard being a Christian these days, imagine being literally the only one in the entire world, and these people were living hundreds of years, so the population was great, that's why God lowered the living age. he clearly had the most amazing steadfastness about him!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
day 1: genesis 1-3
i just read genesis chapter 1 and thought i'd read some commentary on it. it was a little overwhelming, i don't think i'm where i should be spiritually (milk, not meat) very sad. but i think for this to become a habit i'm going to skip the commentary for now and focus on just reading and reflecting on what i read. i think developing the habit is very important for me right now.
chapter 1: i noticed that it mentions the seed is already in the plants. i had never noticed that before. i also wonder why genesis 1:27 is more poetic and indented and different, i remember memorizing that verse way back when but i never really understood why it stood out like that. now i would guess that it's because it emphasizes the special relationship that God has and wants with us.
chapter 2: did God need to rest? according to macarthur, he did not need to rest (knew that, just wasn't sure why he did!) he does not expend energy and therefore does not need to restore energy, he was simply setting the example for us. i think it's interesting how God creates virtually everything and then makes a big fiasco about creating women. reflecting on choice of words and commentary i would guess that God is reiterating that men and women compliment each other. that man needs a woman as his helper, she has different traits from him but God is very obvious that men and women are equal, just different.
chapter 3: "where are you?" God obviously knew where he was, but by asking it allowed adam to give his answer and when he did, he lied. i think about kids when i read this and how often they'll lie when you know the answer. it's a very interesting thing to know something for a fact 100% for sure and then when you question someone about it, they flat out lie. i mean, suspecting a lie is one thing, but knowing a lie is another. i can't imagine how disappointed God must be in me every time i justify something or excuse something, i'm just lying to myself and him and there is no excuse for it.
well reading all of this and getting back "in touch" with my devotions has allowed me to see some things that i did wrong today. it's hard to admit, but hopefully easy to rectify. i have a problem with my husband where if he did something to wrong me i feel it's justified to act a certain way towards him or wrong him and it's ok becuase he "started it" but that is petty and childish and immature and i don't want to be that person. so i'm writing him a letter now (he's asleep!) and hopefully he'll forgive me! wish me luck!
also, the wind is CRAZY tonight!
chapter 1: i noticed that it mentions the seed is already in the plants. i had never noticed that before. i also wonder why genesis 1:27 is more poetic and indented and different, i remember memorizing that verse way back when but i never really understood why it stood out like that. now i would guess that it's because it emphasizes the special relationship that God has and wants with us.
chapter 2: did God need to rest? according to macarthur, he did not need to rest (knew that, just wasn't sure why he did!) he does not expend energy and therefore does not need to restore energy, he was simply setting the example for us. i think it's interesting how God creates virtually everything and then makes a big fiasco about creating women. reflecting on choice of words and commentary i would guess that God is reiterating that men and women compliment each other. that man needs a woman as his helper, she has different traits from him but God is very obvious that men and women are equal, just different.
chapter 3: "where are you?" God obviously knew where he was, but by asking it allowed adam to give his answer and when he did, he lied. i think about kids when i read this and how often they'll lie when you know the answer. it's a very interesting thing to know something for a fact 100% for sure and then when you question someone about it, they flat out lie. i mean, suspecting a lie is one thing, but knowing a lie is another. i can't imagine how disappointed God must be in me every time i justify something or excuse something, i'm just lying to myself and him and there is no excuse for it.
well reading all of this and getting back "in touch" with my devotions has allowed me to see some things that i did wrong today. it's hard to admit, but hopefully easy to rectify. i have a problem with my husband where if he did something to wrong me i feel it's justified to act a certain way towards him or wrong him and it's ok becuase he "started it" but that is petty and childish and immature and i don't want to be that person. so i'm writing him a letter now (he's asleep!) and hopefully he'll forgive me! wish me luck!
also, the wind is CRAZY tonight!
background
well i'm going to start this blog thingy off with some basic ranting and talking to myself.
jan. 1st
i'm too scared to make new year's resolutions. why? i never keep them. ever. i mostly don't finish a lot of things. i always have big plans and hobbies and ideas but i either never do anything about them, or i start and never finish. huge procrastinator. so i gave up on making resolutions because i knew nothing would happen with them. this year, however, i'm going to make a few and i would really like to keep them. i just looked at the clock and realized it's 3 minutes into january 2nd, so clearly i failed at today's daily resolutions. ha. great way to start. but i believe it's not too late, anyway, my resolutions are as follows
1. read the Bible from cover to cover
i am so embarassed EMBARASSED to admit that i have never done this, i'm 25 years old for cying out loud! i'm a horrible person. i'm such a bad procrastinator and giver upper that it hardly lasts more than a few weeks, but as a born again Christian, i believe reading through the Bible consistently is very important and i still haven't done it and it's terrible!
2. eat healthier
duh, everyone says this. i've been so bad since i got pregnant because it didn't matter then what i ate, i had heartburn really bad (really really really bad) and literally plain white rice and water could give me heartburn, it was debilitating crushing can't do anything but cry kinda heartburn, so i got to a point where i indulged until i got it and then i just tried to keep it simple because it was worse when i ate certain things, but i was guarenteed to get it, so why bother trying to stop it? anyway, not the point. the point is that since i had my baby i haven't gotten back on track because it's hard! i have such a hard time making things for myself because i'm so intent on feeding skyler and playing (with her) or reading when she's asleep (or sleeping myself!) that i just don't eat til it's late and then i'm just hungry and i eat whatever's quick (i'm also lazy and great at excuses and justifications!) so yeah, i need to be better about buying healthy foods, fixing stuff for myself early so i don't cheat in the moment and then sticking to it for a long time!
3. walk every day
we just got a free elliptical, i don't want to super workout hardcore or anything, just "walk" on it for now until my joints aren't as sore and then maybe i can up the intensity, i gotta start somewhere!
4. apparently i need to stop being lazy and procrastinating!!
so those are the things i would like to do daily, and since i forgot to do them in time for january first, i'm going to do it now and say it counts! better late than never, right?
jan. 1st
i'm too scared to make new year's resolutions. why? i never keep them. ever. i mostly don't finish a lot of things. i always have big plans and hobbies and ideas but i either never do anything about them, or i start and never finish. huge procrastinator. so i gave up on making resolutions because i knew nothing would happen with them. this year, however, i'm going to make a few and i would really like to keep them. i just looked at the clock and realized it's 3 minutes into january 2nd, so clearly i failed at today's daily resolutions. ha. great way to start. but i believe it's not too late, anyway, my resolutions are as follows
1. read the Bible from cover to cover
i am so embarassed EMBARASSED to admit that i have never done this, i'm 25 years old for cying out loud! i'm a horrible person. i'm such a bad procrastinator and giver upper that it hardly lasts more than a few weeks, but as a born again Christian, i believe reading through the Bible consistently is very important and i still haven't done it and it's terrible!
2. eat healthier
duh, everyone says this. i've been so bad since i got pregnant because it didn't matter then what i ate, i had heartburn really bad (really really really bad) and literally plain white rice and water could give me heartburn, it was debilitating crushing can't do anything but cry kinda heartburn, so i got to a point where i indulged until i got it and then i just tried to keep it simple because it was worse when i ate certain things, but i was guarenteed to get it, so why bother trying to stop it? anyway, not the point. the point is that since i had my baby i haven't gotten back on track because it's hard! i have such a hard time making things for myself because i'm so intent on feeding skyler and playing (with her) or reading when she's asleep (or sleeping myself!) that i just don't eat til it's late and then i'm just hungry and i eat whatever's quick (i'm also lazy and great at excuses and justifications!) so yeah, i need to be better about buying healthy foods, fixing stuff for myself early so i don't cheat in the moment and then sticking to it for a long time!
3. walk every day
we just got a free elliptical, i don't want to super workout hardcore or anything, just "walk" on it for now until my joints aren't as sore and then maybe i can up the intensity, i gotta start somewhere!
4. apparently i need to stop being lazy and procrastinating!!
so those are the things i would like to do daily, and since i forgot to do them in time for january first, i'm going to do it now and say it counts! better late than never, right?
Let's start at the very beginning,I've heard it's a good place to start
well, i've tried to do this blog thing before, but it hasn't really worked, i end up thinking too much on what other people will read, but i basically want it as a journal. yes, i could do this in word documents, but to be honest, i just get online more than i think to get on word, so bear with me and if you don't care to read any of this, then don't! ultimately i would love for this to be my way of getting what's on my heart out, i fully believe in the "pray without ceasing" and sometimes writing out how i feel to God is all i need :) i will probably treat this blog as a way to get things that interest me out there too, unfortunately, i have a lot of interests! don't be surprised if i post about sewing one day and photography the next and a recipe i love the next and then a poem or prayer, i tend to jump around quite a bit! this is simply a blog about my life!
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